I guess it can be expected. This weekend was fun. I was able to hang out with friends, and family. I stayed busy. I think that is why I have been able to act strong. I haven't had time to think. Yesterday morning (Mother's Day) was a little rough...but it got better as the day went on. I was good until last night. I was over at my in-laws house spending time with them. Well, when I got there, my niece Ailynn (she is 3 yrs old) ran up to me and said "Lele, how is the baby in your belly?". Keeping my composure, I just answered "Well, Ailynn, the baby in my belly is now in heaven with Jesus". "But why Lele"? So I answered in the best way I could think at the moment "because very soon, Jesus is going to put another baby in my belly". She responded with "oh okay. Well, Lele, I am going to have a baby in my belly in September, but I am going to get married first". I couldn't help but laugh. Brittney felt terrible. It really didn't bother me. I have been able to talk about it fine. I just can't help but feel so sad about everything, and feeling like I got everyone's hopes up. When leaving, Ailynn told me "Bye Lele. I love you, and I love the baby in heaven. Take care of that baby in heaven Lele." Okay, so that broke my heart. But its all true though. I have complete faith that one day soon, He will bless us with a child. I think today must be one of those days where I don't feel like moving off the couch. I have just been in a blah mood. You know, friends truly can make everything brighter. Just when I was starting to get down today, Jamie Estess dropped by to visit and bring me flowers for Mother's Day. It was so good talking to her. I know yesterday was a bitter-sweet day for her, and she still thought of me. I have truly been surrounded by the greatest of friends, and the most wonderful church. Our S.S. class has been cooking for us, and raised an offering for us. I can't even express how greatly overwhelmed we are right now to have the people we have in our lives. I want to be so emotionally strong, but what I am learning, is that I can only be strong for so long. Its okay to break down every now then. Its okay to think about it. Our family, church family, and our friends have truly been a blessing. God puts people in your life for a reason, either to minister to, or be ministered to.
I hope everyone's Mother's Day was a wonderful one. May your week be filled with blessings.
Summer
15 years ago
It was really nice being able to visit with you at Amber and Justin's this weekend. It's so evident that you truly are leaning on God as your strength. Keep holding on to the fact that He, in His most perfect timing, will provide an answer to your prayers. He knows what's best even when we think we do. That's one thing that having Parker (and all the crazy problems we had with her while I was pregnant/after she was born) has taught me. And He never gives us anything we can't get through without Him, our families, and our friends. Know that we're praying for you and Tommy!
ReplyDeleteHey girl, you know we love you and are here for you. Thank you for sharing some of mama's day with me. God has really been blessing you and Tommy in the midst of this "storm" and a verse comes in mind when I think of your situation...James 1 2:5. - "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anythng."
ReplyDeleteAww lauryn i love you and god will bless you with another baby, and dont you ever put your self down about this upset that you got everyones hopes up.as much as we all wanted to meet little baby we also want to have babys mommy there too.i know its hard to deal with but god has more plans for you and your family!
ReplyDeletewe love you