God Is In Control

Since my last post, a lot has happened. This has been a very long week in fact. Its been a rollercoaster of emotions for us. We were excited, scared, excited, scared, nervous, happy, upset, excited, and then angry. Of course when we found out we were pregnant 2 weekends ago, we were ecstatic! Then, when the doctors and nurses were a little concerned, of course we were too. Then on Thursday night a week ago, I had to go to the emergency room because I started bleeding more heavily, and the cramps got really bad. The doctor there told me I was more than likely going to miscarry. I can't even express the sadness I felt. We still never gave up hope. I went the next day to do more blood work, and my HCG level was increasing still! It would have decreased if I was miscarrying. On this past Monday, I went for more blood work, and then headed to see Tommy graduate from the BRPD Academy. I am so proud and happy for him. Then afterwards, we went for an ultrasound. They couldn't see anything because of my low levels. I still don't know why they had me do that. You can't see even a sac until the HCG level is at least 1000, and mine at the time was only 322. Then I met with the doctor on call, who also told me that even though my level is increasing, it isn't increasing fast enough for this to be a good pregnancy, and pretty much suggested for me to go ahead and have a DNC. Yeah, this doc was off his rocker for suggesting that to me. I truly thought Tommy was going to whip out his baton and beat the guy up. He was not being a compassionate doctor at all. Of course I told him that there is no way on earth I would take this out of God's hands, and wonder for the rest of my life if this little miracle inside me would come out of this and be a healthy pregnancy. Low and behold, yesterday I went for more blood work (5th time), and my level almost doubled from Monday! Its in the 500's. Dr. Lee called me (my doctor) and told me that she is very confident that this pregnancy is going to take off, and be a good one! My HCG level is increasing faster and higher, and my progesterone level is at where it should be! Finally some hope! Some good news! Both me and Tommy couldn't stop smiling and crying we were so happy! 10 minutes later, my work called and fired me. Yes, it is illegal. Yes, I have missed a week of work due to my bed rest. Yes I provided doctors notes ahead of time. Yes, I have put calls into Copart's HR, Dept. of Labor legal division, Attorney General, Better Business Bureau, Governor's Office Commission of Human Rights, and a lawyer. How heartless of them to fire me when I am on bed rest due to complications of my pregnancy. I know this is a blessing in disguise. Who would want to work for a company like this? Not me. I sure don't need the stress. Yesterday I was so angry, upset, stressed. But I realized that now, I have time to do Premier Designs full time. God has blessed me with that, and I am going to put all my extra effort into growing my business even more. As it is, I already have a total of 3 people in my downline! Its already building. Angelle also got fired from Copart a couple of months ago for missing work to bring her ill son to the doctor. Provided notes and all. Anyway, she is a single mom, and is now doing Premier full time, and she is making more with Premier than she did at Copart! Its so encouraging to me. The founder of Premier started this business so that mothers can stay at home and raise their children. I pray to God that I can do that. I know He has and will provide. Amber gave me a wonderful quote yesterday, "I don't know what my future holds, but I know WHO holds my future". God has taken care of us numerous time in the past, and He will continue to do so. I may not understand why I haven't had a normal healthy pregnancy so far, but I can trust that God hasn't given me something I can't handle. He has blessed us with this little miracle fighter for a reason, and I can have total trust that God is in control either way this goes. I have complete faith that I will meet my little son or daughter in 9 months.

Tomorrow I go for yet more blood work, and then I meet with my doctor for the first time since I found out I was pregnant. Hopefully my level has continued to increase. They are still worried because of my bleeding. So I am still not out of the woods. If it has increased, then Dr. Lee said she can pretty much predict that we should be able to see something on an ultrasound on Monday of next week! What a wonderful Mother's Day present that would be for me! Please keep all of us in your prayers. We are honestly very exhausted physically and emotionally. Thank ya'll for all the support, thoughts, and prayers. We love ya'll, and I will keep ya'll posted tomorrow!

Baby Gehling!

Thats right! We are expecting a little baby Gehling! Sunday night I took a home pregnancy test, which was of course positive, and then on Monday I got it confirmed by the doc! We are so happy and excited! God has blessed us with the child we have prayed for and longed for, for so many months now. We need prayers though. I am having a few complications that have the doctors and nurse a little worried that this may not be a good pregnancy. I will be going to take another blood test at 10:30 today to see if everything is okay, and has progressed. My projesterone levels are very low, and they have me on some prometrium to help increase it. We will find out about 1:00 today if it has improved. The low level has caused me to bleed a little, and could cause a miscarrage. I am so worried. However, I know this little peanut in my belly is in his/her's Creator's hands, and that is what has comforted Tommy and I during this time. I hope and pray I get to meet this little one in 9 months. I will keep everone posted for sure!

Busy As Can Bee!

This last weekend was so busy, my head is still spinning! Tommy and I have done so much around our house, its unbelievable. It finally feels like OUR home now. Lets see....over the week, was spent fixing up the guest bathroom, and picking up paint for the guest bedroom. Thursday night, Tommy painted the guest bedroom, and fixed the broken door. On Friday while I was at work, Tommy hung the new blinds and valences in our bedroom and went and got EVERYTHING from my parents. I thought he was just grabbing the furniture from my old bedroom there, but no...he cleaned out everything. Mom was really ready to have everything of mine out of the house so she can turn that into her office/quilting room! So not only did I tons of stuff to do myself this weekend (like working in the flower bed, de-cluttering, cleaning, decorating, and washing clothes, not to mention Easter festivities on Sunday, but I had about 15 boxes to unpack!!!!! It got done though. Everything. Last night we finished up cleaning. Its such a good feeling to have our home feeling pretty now...feeling like our home. In my opinion I think everything looks pretty good. Tonight after work, Brittney will be bringing by the portacrib for Brayden to sleep on, thats if he isn't to big. If he is, then I am going to borrow Ailynn's bed, and all we would need is a mattress for it. I just hope they are all comfortable here. Also, tonight, we are washing cars, and cleaning baseboards and floors. I also have to make a wal mart trip tonight. We need groceries for our guests. Some of the meals planned are: jambalaya, white beans and rice and cornbread, roast, rice and gravy, salmon croquets, and maybe come boiled crawfish. Of course, mac and cheese, chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, and pb & j for the boys. Erin said thats all they eat. We are planning a N.O. trip to the zoo, and maybe a good resturant there, and a seafood resturant. They will be here 8 days, so I want them to have good food, and a good time. I want them to have a good LA experience. Any ideas, please tell me! They are from PA, but LOVE the cajun food that I use to cook when we lived in NC. Any ideas on things to do, also let me know. The Diloretto family is flying into N.O. tomorrow night at 7:30. Tommy and I will be leaving straight from work, and hopefuly make it in time. Alek, the 3 year old, keeps telling Erin that "we will find a plane Mommy, and then we will go find Lele"! Haha! I love it! They have rented a car THANK GOD! We sure wouldn't have room in Mia the Kia! Plus they can just take off and venture out during the day while Tommy and I are at work....yes I am working on Thursday and Friday. I was however, able to take off on Monday-Wednesday of next week, of course this happened before we got the new boss. So yay for that! I would have hated for them to go through all the trouble of flying here for us to have to work the entire time. Of course Tommy can't take off though. : ( In other news, I have my training show with Lenee on the Thursday they fly out of N.O. The next day (Friday 4/25) is Tommy's banquet with the BRPD at the FOP hall on Greenwell Springs Rd. Then, on Monday (4/27) Tommy graduates! So yeah, we both can't wait for that. He has worked so hard. I am so proud of him. Always have been. Oh, and if ya'll think about him on this Thursday, he will be mased and beat up some more. I am so thrilled...not really. He just better not come home with another broke nose!

Hope everyone's week is going good. I wish I had a weight loss report, but I don't. : ( I have hardly even been eating, but somehow it won't go away. I am proud of Amber and Ashlie! Good for ya'll! Keep it up! The only things that are keeping me for feeling completely ugly is the fact that I have blond highlights, and I am tanning! Super excited about that. Tanned fat is prettier than pale while fat.

Lots of Stuff

Well its 6am, and I am really wanting to get back in my bed...and snuggle with my dog. Its also really cold outside. I am up so early (I usually don't get up till 7 considering I work 5 minutes from home) because we have the big boss, the regional manager, Jim, coming to work today. So I want to give a good impression and not look like I just rolled out of bed. Another woman left yesterday, well she quit. The work was too much, and too overwhelming. She was like 50 years old. I am 24, and its overwhelming for me! But I do love my job. I love working hard, and staying really busy, and I love the pay!

Tommy and I have been really busy ourselves. He is getting closer and closer to graduation. He only has 13 more days of work, before he is an official BRPD officer! He looked so hot this morning leaving for work. He is now having to wear his bullet proof vest under his uniform. Not only am I glad that he is now going to be safe wearing that thing, but it looks so darn sexy. Okay, I am done with that. Back to the busy lives we have. Friday I had Shaun's wake. I can't even express with words how my heart grieves for Samantha. She is so strong. Saturday was Cooking for Our Kids. Tommy and Dad's jambalaya was GREAT! It didn't win, but in my book it was the absolute best! Afterwards we slept and were lazy, and then did some much needed things around the house. Sunday was church, shopping with Ashlie, and house shopping! I got stuff for our bathrooms, and other little nick nacks. Tomorrow we will be painting the guestroom. I doubt very seriously that they will like the lime green walls and the glow in the dark stars. I just know I can't stand it any longer. Hopefully Saturday I will be working in the flower bed and fixing up the outside. Terry will be coming over Satruday to put up spotlights in our back yard, cause we don't have any lighting back there. After work today I am going to get new blinds for our bedroom. We are so busy right now trying to get our house fixed up because a week from tomorrow, our friends from N.C. are coming to stay with us for a week. I am so excited to see Erin and the boys, and Tommy is excited about Matt coming here too. Matt and Erin's oldest boy Alek is my little sweetheart! He loves his Lele and still remembers me! He is 3 years old. Brayden, the youngest is a little over 1 year old. When Tommy came back from his last deployment, before he was able to move back home, he had to rush Erin to the hospital to deliver Brayden because her husband was still in Iraq. In fact, Matt was in Iraq for both of his son's births. I have never met Brayden, but I am sure looking forward to it. So we will need to set up our guest room for them to stay in. Brittney is loaning us her portable crib for Brayden. I am interested in how Zoey handles them....haha.

This week is just work, work, and house work! Thursday I am getting my hair cut. I am THINKING about a few highlights. I am not sure yet. Friday is Ashlie Blaire's b-day, and a crawfish boil with the academy! I am so mad that I have to work Good Friday. Saturday is a Premier training meeting at La Madelines. I am so excited to have my new jeweler going! I will be giving her training show the night after Matt and Erin fly back to N.C. Oh what a busy day that will be. I will have to wake up at like 4am to bring them to the N.O. airport for 6, work all day from 8-5, and then drive straight from work to Baker to do Lenee's show from 7-9. I get paid $200 for doing it, so I can't complain! This Sunday is Easter. I am hoping we get to have the community Easter service at the middle school stadium if the weather is pretty. Its been years since we have been able to have it there.

Hope everyone has a good week, and a Happy Easter!

Here are a few pictures of Matt's homecoming. He just came back from his deployment about a week ago.

New Blog and Confessions of the Heart...

There are a lot of things that God is working on in my life right now. So, I decided to start a new blog. I honestly first deleted it because I was afraid of some people reading it that didn't really care about what was going on in my life. I also hardly have time for updating anymore. I guess mornings are the best time for my quite time, and my journal time. But like I said...there is a lot of bitterness in my heart right now, and I have recently realized how it is now starting to really hurt a couple of my closest relationships. Maybe its the fact that Tommy and I have been trying to start a family now for the last 6 months, and it just hasn't happened. I feel like we are truly ready to raise a child. We have been married almost 3 years now, and having a baby was definitely not something we wanted to rush into. We have been enjoying married life, and each other...but in my eyes, its time now. Who knows.... I know it will happen in God's timing, but its so hard to be patient sometimes, especially when its the one thing you want most. Maybe I still have a lot of unforgiveness in my heart. I know I have a really bad temper (I blame it on my genes and Irish/Native American heritage haha), and I have a problem getting past hurt done to me, and the people I love most. I know God can change my heart though. Only He can. I am going to try really hard to forgive and FORGET. I guess that last word is the hardest for me to do when I haven't even seen remorse from the ones doing the hurting. I guess I feel like they don't deserve my forgiving and forgetting. Wow....that is bitter. If God felt that way about me....I would have no hope.

Last night, Randi Kay called me and told me some horrible news. Our friend Samantha's boyfriend Shaun passed away yesterday morning. He was at a hospital in Birmingham when it happened. I don't know all the details, but I do know he had Cystic Fibrosis, and had a lung transplant. My heart hurts so bad for Samantha right now. She really loved and cared for Shaun, and I honestly was expecting them to get engaged at any minute. Please keep her and his family in your prayers. I can't imagine how hard this is. He was 27 years old. I will post the arrangements as soon as I know. I will be going to the wake for sure, and the funeral if it is not on a work day. They won't let me off for that.

On a much less depressing note...tonight is girl's night out at Kotos, thats if ya'll are still up for it? I think it is much needed. Tomorrow is Friday. That is also much needed! Saturday is cooking for our kids, and Tommy and my Dad will be cooking a jambalaya together. Mayer Watts is sponsoring them. So I will probably help with that for a while, and then it is cleaning the house, and doing much needed yard work!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!