These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things!

Spending time with my wonderful husband

Loving on my sweetheart, Zoey

Faith/Church

Family and Friends

Premier Designs Jewlery

Movies




The Twilight Series

The Harry Potter Series

Hydrangeas
Shopping

Good Food


My home




Traveling

Dance

Africa and Texas!

Things have been really busy lately. Which is good. I am trying to keep my life right now filled with fun and productive activities and good people. Tommy is working 8 straight nights right now. He is on day 5 right now, and works until Friday. He will have the weekends off for the next month or so. I can't wait for that.

Tomorrow I go for an interview at Hancock bank. The position is for a part time teller. The pay per hour is better than what I was getting at Copart, and I would only be working 3 days a week. That gives me the flexibility I really want, so that I can do more with Premier Designs. Say a prayer for me!

Speaking of Premier, on Thursday I leave for a retreat at the Draper's home in Fort Worth, TX till Sunday. I am so excited about this. It is all expense paid, except gas and traveling food. While there, we are going to have incredible training, a tour of the home office and factory, along with shopping. Its going to be so nice to get away. Ashlie, Angelle, Jeanne, and Terry are going also. We are all riding together, which I am also so excited about. They are all so much fun. I seriously don't think we stopped laughing once the entire time at rally.

Tomorrow I go for more bloodwork. So far so good. Last week's bloodwork showed my levels still dropping. Bleeding comes and goes. Hopefully in a month I will be cleared of everything. This waiting is the hard part.

Sarah left for an Africa mission trip yesterday. She will be gone for 3 weeks. She just got there today. They got to spend a day in London, and she sent me a text saying that she had a blast there, and got to see Buckingham Palace. Yeah, I am jealous....about London and Africa. This is going to be an amazing experience for her I know. It will be life changing, and I can't wait for her to get back home and tell the stories she will have. Just please keep her, along with the other 15 students she is with, in prayers.

Well, I hope everyone's week/Memorial weekend is good. I will post pics of the retreat when I get back.

God bless!

Good Days and Bad Days

I guess it can be expected. This weekend was fun. I was able to hang out with friends, and family. I stayed busy. I think that is why I have been able to act strong. I haven't had time to think. Yesterday morning (Mother's Day) was a little rough...but it got better as the day went on. I was good until last night. I was over at my in-laws house spending time with them. Well, when I got there, my niece Ailynn (she is 3 yrs old) ran up to me and said "Lele, how is the baby in your belly?". Keeping my composure, I just answered "Well, Ailynn, the baby in my belly is now in heaven with Jesus". "But why Lele"? So I answered in the best way I could think at the moment "because very soon, Jesus is going to put another baby in my belly". She responded with "oh okay. Well, Lele, I am going to have a baby in my belly in September, but I am going to get married first". I couldn't help but laugh. Brittney felt terrible. It really didn't bother me. I have been able to talk about it fine. I just can't help but feel so sad about everything, and feeling like I got everyone's hopes up. When leaving, Ailynn told me "Bye Lele. I love you, and I love the baby in heaven. Take care of that baby in heaven Lele." Okay, so that broke my heart. But its all true though. I have complete faith that one day soon, He will bless us with a child. I think today must be one of those days where I don't feel like moving off the couch. I have just been in a blah mood. You know, friends truly can make everything brighter. Just when I was starting to get down today, Jamie Estess dropped by to visit and bring me flowers for Mother's Day. It was so good talking to her. I know yesterday was a bitter-sweet day for her, and she still thought of me. I have truly been surrounded by the greatest of friends, and the most wonderful church. Our S.S. class has been cooking for us, and raised an offering for us. I can't even express how greatly overwhelmed we are right now to have the people we have in our lives. I want to be so emotionally strong, but what I am learning, is that I can only be strong for so long. Its okay to break down every now then. Its okay to think about it. Our family, church family, and our friends have truly been a blessing. God puts people in your life for a reason, either to minister to, or be ministered to.

I hope everyone's Mother's Day was a wonderful one. May your week be filled with blessings.

Hanging In There

Last week was such an aweful week. Probably the worst week of my life. The past month in general has been rough, and very emotional. May is a new beginning. This week was really good. Each day gets easier. I got to spend a lot of time with Tommy, family, and the most wonderful friends. I have been pretty strong, and have tried to keep myself really busy. That seems to help. Tommy was off Tuesday-Thursday, so we had lunch dates, and shopping trips. We did yard work, and other fun, but productive things. Last night was girls night at the Melting Pot. It was so yummy, and so wonderful to hang out with some of the best friends ever. See pictures below. Tomorrow is Justin's birthday party, along with Jamie's shower. I am looking forward to hanging out with the girls again, and seeing Jamie get all kinds of presents. In other good news, healthwise, I feel good. Bleeding has almost stopped. I went for bloodwork on Monday and Wednesday. On Wednesday, they said my level is dropping, which means the methotrexate is working on keeping this from growing/bursting and is dissolving it. So we will keep on praying that the level keeps on dropping, and that my tubes get cleared of this, so that in a couple of months we can start trying again. I am already praying for a very healthy and normal pregnancy for next time.

Hope everyones weekend is great.

He Gives Me The Strength I Need

So I am sitting here at home. Mom just dropped me off from a day at the hospital. I am finally able to loose it and cry. It feels good to finally cry. I have held in the sobbing and the grief as long as I can, for 8 hours to be exact. I didn't want to loose grip of myself at the hospital. It was so hard to be strong. I am now by myself, just me and God. I can finally cry "why" out to Him. Deep down, I know why. It wasn't my time to have a baby. This baby wasn't meant to be. I know it was not my fault. I know "these things happen". I know that I have so many wonderful prayer warriors and friends that are surrounding me with love. None of the answers make it easier. No matter what I tell myself, and what anyone says, I wanted this pregnancy to work. I had my blood work done at 8am this morning. Mom and I went to Cracker Barrel to kill time and eat a good breakfast. After that, we headed back to the hospital for 10am to meet with my doctor and get my test results. My levels were at 623. It was not even close to what we were all expecting. It needed to go up by 2/3 from what it was on Wednesday. She said that by looking at my levels over the last couple of weeks, she knew that this pregnancy was not a normal one. Even I knew this deep down. This type of heavy bleeding, cramping, low levels, and clotting isn't normal. She then sent me to see a radiologist to get an ultrasound to rule out an ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy outside the uterus). Unfortunately, they were unable to rule it out, because they found the fetus in my left fallopian tube. Of course, the fetus cannot survie outside the uterous, and it also risks my life. If they had not caught this in time, it would have eventually burst, and rupture my tube, which would call for removal. Instead, they sent me for more bloodwork and then sent me to Oncology where they give chemo treatments. They reason they sent me there was to give me a treatment, a shot, of a medication called Methotrexate. This is used in the treatment of cancer, along with ectopic pregnancies. This prevents the the growth of the egg, and rapidly diving cells. It dissolves the tissue. This route was the best choice. It was either that or surgery, or wait until it burst, which could cause me internal bleeding. The medication also preserves my fertility, so I can still get pregnant. Now, my chances of having this happen to me again is higher than most people, but I have a greater chance of having a healthy pregnancy later down the road. So, its said and done. Hopefuly this medication works. Hopefully I don't end up having to have surgery. Hopefully the bleeding stops soon. I have to go for more blood work twice next week, and then once a week after that until my levels drop. After my level is back at a negative, then they are going to do a dye test in my tubes to make sure that I passed everything and to make sure I have no blockage in my tubes. If I get cleared after that, and after a normal cycle or two, we can try to concieve again. We are hopefully looking at trying again toward the end of the summer. I think by then, I will be ready physically and emotionally. There is a huge void in my life now. I know I was only 7 weeks along, and my situation could have been a lot worse, but I can't help but feel grief like none other. In two days, I lost my job and my baby. Thats a lot to deal with. God will get us through this. I do have faith in that. HE holds me, and my future.

I know I have told ya'll this time and time again, but Tommy and I really do appreciate all the thoughts, concerns, prayers, visits, calls, texts, and the list continues. We have truly felt the prayers and the love.

God Is In Control

Since my last post, a lot has happened. This has been a very long week in fact. Its been a rollercoaster of emotions for us. We were excited, scared, excited, scared, nervous, happy, upset, excited, and then angry. Of course when we found out we were pregnant 2 weekends ago, we were ecstatic! Then, when the doctors and nurses were a little concerned, of course we were too. Then on Thursday night a week ago, I had to go to the emergency room because I started bleeding more heavily, and the cramps got really bad. The doctor there told me I was more than likely going to miscarry. I can't even express the sadness I felt. We still never gave up hope. I went the next day to do more blood work, and my HCG level was increasing still! It would have decreased if I was miscarrying. On this past Monday, I went for more blood work, and then headed to see Tommy graduate from the BRPD Academy. I am so proud and happy for him. Then afterwards, we went for an ultrasound. They couldn't see anything because of my low levels. I still don't know why they had me do that. You can't see even a sac until the HCG level is at least 1000, and mine at the time was only 322. Then I met with the doctor on call, who also told me that even though my level is increasing, it isn't increasing fast enough for this to be a good pregnancy, and pretty much suggested for me to go ahead and have a DNC. Yeah, this doc was off his rocker for suggesting that to me. I truly thought Tommy was going to whip out his baton and beat the guy up. He was not being a compassionate doctor at all. Of course I told him that there is no way on earth I would take this out of God's hands, and wonder for the rest of my life if this little miracle inside me would come out of this and be a healthy pregnancy. Low and behold, yesterday I went for more blood work (5th time), and my level almost doubled from Monday! Its in the 500's. Dr. Lee called me (my doctor) and told me that she is very confident that this pregnancy is going to take off, and be a good one! My HCG level is increasing faster and higher, and my progesterone level is at where it should be! Finally some hope! Some good news! Both me and Tommy couldn't stop smiling and crying we were so happy! 10 minutes later, my work called and fired me. Yes, it is illegal. Yes, I have missed a week of work due to my bed rest. Yes I provided doctors notes ahead of time. Yes, I have put calls into Copart's HR, Dept. of Labor legal division, Attorney General, Better Business Bureau, Governor's Office Commission of Human Rights, and a lawyer. How heartless of them to fire me when I am on bed rest due to complications of my pregnancy. I know this is a blessing in disguise. Who would want to work for a company like this? Not me. I sure don't need the stress. Yesterday I was so angry, upset, stressed. But I realized that now, I have time to do Premier Designs full time. God has blessed me with that, and I am going to put all my extra effort into growing my business even more. As it is, I already have a total of 3 people in my downline! Its already building. Angelle also got fired from Copart a couple of months ago for missing work to bring her ill son to the doctor. Provided notes and all. Anyway, she is a single mom, and is now doing Premier full time, and she is making more with Premier than she did at Copart! Its so encouraging to me. The founder of Premier started this business so that mothers can stay at home and raise their children. I pray to God that I can do that. I know He has and will provide. Amber gave me a wonderful quote yesterday, "I don't know what my future holds, but I know WHO holds my future". God has taken care of us numerous time in the past, and He will continue to do so. I may not understand why I haven't had a normal healthy pregnancy so far, but I can trust that God hasn't given me something I can't handle. He has blessed us with this little miracle fighter for a reason, and I can have total trust that God is in control either way this goes. I have complete faith that I will meet my little son or daughter in 9 months.

Tomorrow I go for yet more blood work, and then I meet with my doctor for the first time since I found out I was pregnant. Hopefully my level has continued to increase. They are still worried because of my bleeding. So I am still not out of the woods. If it has increased, then Dr. Lee said she can pretty much predict that we should be able to see something on an ultrasound on Monday of next week! What a wonderful Mother's Day present that would be for me! Please keep all of us in your prayers. We are honestly very exhausted physically and emotionally. Thank ya'll for all the support, thoughts, and prayers. We love ya'll, and I will keep ya'll posted tomorrow!

Baby Gehling!

Thats right! We are expecting a little baby Gehling! Sunday night I took a home pregnancy test, which was of course positive, and then on Monday I got it confirmed by the doc! We are so happy and excited! God has blessed us with the child we have prayed for and longed for, for so many months now. We need prayers though. I am having a few complications that have the doctors and nurse a little worried that this may not be a good pregnancy. I will be going to take another blood test at 10:30 today to see if everything is okay, and has progressed. My projesterone levels are very low, and they have me on some prometrium to help increase it. We will find out about 1:00 today if it has improved. The low level has caused me to bleed a little, and could cause a miscarrage. I am so worried. However, I know this little peanut in my belly is in his/her's Creator's hands, and that is what has comforted Tommy and I during this time. I hope and pray I get to meet this little one in 9 months. I will keep everone posted for sure!